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Metamorphosis

by Cancermancer

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1.
Work & Drugs 04:14
It seems I'm only happy when I'm high drugs are my chemical lullaby but if I do them I will die yeah I'm always looking for one to try Cus' when I'm sober I always cry Because my thoughts invade my mind I feel like I'm running out of time I feel myself just slipping behind Maybe I should smoke 'till my lungs collapse let the drugs fuck my ass 'till I prolapse I hate myself and this whole world I want to drink 'till I fucking hurl This fucking job drives me insane! I couldn't handle the mental pain It nearly drove me to suicide Everyday I'd come home and cry and smoke weed 'till my fucking eyes bleed My whole life was work and drugs! Why did my mother give birth? In a world so screwed and shitty? Will there even be a future? for me to see, by 2050? I might destroy myself by then Gone, are all the seraphem My addictions where spawned from this Shitty, broken, capitalist system I'm a slave to
2.
The System 05:24
The goal of the system is to brainwash you I speak from experience I was brainwashed too I used to believe that our country was the best I used to believe everything from the press Thought nothing 'bout pledging allegiance To our flag praising alleged achievements Blind to our worldwide imperialism Driving stakes, creating schisms All the people we exploit in far off lands Their blood is dripping down from all our hands It took me far too long to understand That no one should be proud to be Americans Because this system exploits the population By overworking us with scant compensation Meaningless job just breaks you down Conformity forced, hope divorced I used to think I was right Believing in the system But now, I see I was wrong Now I see how it's flawed The system is something that should be smashed like a car in a high speed crash I believe in a world ruled by the people Not the state, this government is fucking evil If you fuck around, then you'll find out The system finds you, blows your mind out so monolithic, too big too fail this whole motherfucking world's for sale Slaughtering millions to save a buck, yeah thanks to them the future's fucked there is no living wage, we all just die enraged Cuz' we wasted our whole lives, slaving Paving the way for the system to grow if you stand in it's way to the grave you will go like the slaves and natives who died before in the the name of alleged progress, we're just whores To this capitalist state, that consummates a system designed to decimate anything foreign, it's money they're scorin'! rights, freedom, life deemed not important! I used to think I was right Believing in the system But now, I see I was wrong Now I see how it's flawed The system is something that should be smashed like a car in a high speed crash I believe in a world ruled by the people Not the state, this government is fucking evil If you need proof look at the problems ignored the violence, corruption and oil warlords The ones who uphold the status quo yes it is them we should overthrow! Because capitalism can only exist if there's people suffering who cannot resist millions slumbering in ignorant bliss huffing fumes from the government's piss! ...it makes us feel so out of place... ...like aliens from outer space...
3.
A shitty outlook they can't outgrow Fear and hate, a killer combo Blood and soil is their motto Might makes right, death follows They wanna take us back to the 50's the macho men, the whole lot of them they want the strong to rule the weak they lie and steal whatever they seek Through bloodshed, through war power hungry carnivores weakness viewed as a sign of defeat their emotions they try to delete They say equality is a cancer they say their lifestyle is the answer Drinking eggs and eating raw meat They call us untermensch and think they're elite! They like to target lonely men Their insecurities exploited Their minds molded like clay The pipeline's opened for them today Misogynistic, and regressive Chauvinistic, and aggressive They flex their riches while smoking cigars they want their women to love their fast cars they want to rule through tyranny their ideas spread through conspiracy This brawn over brain barbarity Is rising in popularity They'll kill you if you don't fit in their mold their cold hearts, black as coal A bunch of grifters pushing the red pill these men with their ill will their worldview will kill Death, distrust, dissension are all fascist intentions propagated by the alpha males obsessed with myths and folktales From some imagined past their hatred burns steadfast Anti-science, anti-fact they love violence, watch your back!
4.
Period. 04:00
Caustic government got no repentance my clauses independent, they a run on sentence put and end to their shit like a period We aughtta' hurt those bitches like a period Make these bitches bleed like a period stop it mothafuckas! Menopause! Fuck the SCOTUS and their fucked up laws I auightta' come and break their jaws Clarence Thomas and his copy of Mein Kampf more toxic than La Porte Duponte They better stop they can suck my cock Pop 'em in the head with a lock in a sock Watch their ass drop to the cold sidewalk and hope they fall on a big sharp rock we're going backwards. we're losing rights we won't get 'em back unless we fight This broken system this broken world we aughtta' fix 'em, all the boys and girls And in-betweens, that includes me they're piles of dirt, We're Mr. Clean They don't give a shit about the kids that's just a cover so they can get rid of queers like me, that they all hate our right to live, they want to take Our wallets they bleed, to fuel their greed revolution's the thing we need cuz' they've gone rogue, stepped outta' line they wanna gun us down like Columbine John Lennon shit I'm gettin' shot in the face He should've imagined a world without 38's They'll put me on a train to Treblinka-hassee Kill us anyhow in Austin-berkinau Or perhaps I'll go to Corpus Christi that's where they'll make queer corpses crispy in their ovens we're cooked by dozens people you know, parents friends and cousins Call 'em what they are a bunch of Nazi's yeah their agendas we gotta' stop these before they kill the lot of us Yeah I'm radical like Tony Hawk Like Tony the Tiger I'm fucking great I'm a "serial" killer I'm fuckin irate I murder the beat with a mic and some bass and put those bitches right in their place!
5.
I've always felt out of place like an alien from outer space It seems I know enough To know I don't know enough Too many clouds in my head raining down on me it spreads I can't escape my flashbacks they're stabbing me like thumbtacks Drowning me silently feelings trapped inside of me in the prison of my mind charged with an unknown crime I'm disassociating I'm feeling overwhelmed I need a silent escape I need a loving embrace So common yet so misunderstood some folks avoid it like a bad neighborhood Misrepresented in the media some people treat it like leukemia As if it's a life ending disease or pestilent like silk worms on a tree All these things, I fucking hate These lies, my life, they complicate Across their heads are empty voids black as night this just annoys Young and naive I was their toy My social skills, fucking destroyed Sometimes it helps, sometimes it hurts partly a blessing, partly a curse feelings bottled up like mace in a purse sweat soaking skin, brain burns within Vomit from anxiety, a meltdown heart exploding from the harsh sounds I can't control it try as a might a tear tsunami blurs my sight Constantly reminded of my limitations I struggle to conform to expectations Most people just don't get it and I don't think they ever will The words I need, elude me I'm socially secluding I can't form the sentence 'till hours later to get by I've become an imitator I have to mimic behavior, my rage pent this makes me feel like a replicant faking normality with my nervous mentality is very tiresome, a painful duality Sometimes it helps, sometimes it hurts partly a blessing, partly a curse feelings bottled up like mace in a purse sweat soaking skin, brain burns within Vomit from anxiety, a meltdown heart exploding from the harsh sounds I can't control it try as a might a tear tsunami blurs my sight The world's just passing me by Can't keep up no matter how hard I try sometimes I wonder where I would be If I had nothing wrong mentally Where would I be working? Would I still be hurting? Or am I better off, just as I am? God please answer, if you can Despite all that I've been through I couldn't imagine life without it all the painful memories all of them are behind me I still will struggle everyday But I'll try to make it through some way Break things into smaller steps to simplify things complex So what if I don't fit in? Why should I hide the person within? This is just a part of me live every organ in my body This is just a part of me Like every organ in my body
6.
The managers make you get face tats to make you stand out in cyberspace ads An outfits given that you have to wear they make you change the style of your hair A personality's grafted on One that's made to keep the cameras on Your life is fake and you see your mistake your bound by contracts it's too late This job and lifestyle you've grown to hate it quickly degrades your mental state Start doing drugs to numb the pain lean, xanax, liquor and cocaine Your life is spiraling out of control the stress and drugs all take their toll you grab a gun and press it to your skull pull the trigger and release your soul The rich executives can all go to hell They steal your royalties and keep it for themselves They get you to sign after one hit single so they can use it in corporate jingles Then drop your ass cus' they got what they wanted your hard earned money, your dreams squandered Here in the underground I'm safe and sound I don't care if I'm never found Music's my life it gives me peace making it a job would destroy me Cus' then it wouldn't be fun anymore my art would suffer it's quality poor all the drama stress and tight deadlines would take my creativity offline I make music that goes hardcore they want music for department stores and by "they" I mean the record labels Creative freedom they disable the lyrics written by men in suits if you don't sing 'em you'll get the boot with shitty deals that ruin your career a shitty system I refuse to adhere You really think I give a fuck about fame? It would melt me down like acid rain people can't handle that many eyes that's why celebrities go crazy sometimes! Their every thought judged by people online Their privacy invaded like a frontline assemblage of media soldiers Your life and issues they can't understand Music's the one thing that I got If I lose it my mind will rot I don't care that it's not mainstream I'm just rockin' here doing my thing It distracts me from my troubles it helps me overcome all my struggles my anxiety killing machine My electronic boredom vaccine
7.
In an early morning hour After I step out the shower I take a look in the mirror and squint my eyes, to see clearer And I hate what I see My appearance bothers me I think I look ugly Like a piece of roadside debris God said he made us perfect but I disagree the image in my mind Of what I should be Just does not align with reality My true self is trapped in this chrysalis that I must crack! It's something I must fix cus' it's making me sick it feels like I'm living a lie and that thought makes me want to cry And if I where to go bald I would choose to end it all My body makes me feel out of place like an alien from outer space Is that really my reflection? Staring back at me? All I see are imperfections Anxiety this just feeds God said he made us perfect but I disagree the image in my mind Of what I should be Just does not align with reality My true self is trapped in this chrysalis that I must crack!
8.
9.
Self hatred I used to wallow Lied to by the pill I swallowed I used to hide who i was on the inside I had these feelings that I couldn't define I tried to kick them out of my mind Felt miserable and angry all the time Had to admit I was wrong to myself It need to do it for my mental health It was a mold that I had to break out I found the truth and I gotta' speak out This is who I am, nothing wrong with that If what I wear gives you a heart attack then call an ambulance I'll turn my back That's just my stance I don't give a crap! If it's a crime to be me, I'm a criminal I'm only making my life more livable! It took me years to understand It took me years to comprehend Denial never made the feelings go away they only grew like weeds in a driveway So glad I understand so glad I comprehend it was weighing on my mind a lot I refuse to be something I'm not I accept myself I'm no longer scared tired of hiding I no longer care I felt this way since childhood I was told I didn't behave as I should It felt like I was playing an act I'm happier than ever now no going back! This is who I am, nothing wrong with that If what I wear gives you a heart attack Then call an ambulance I'll turn my back That's just my stance I don't give a crap If it's a crime to be me, I'm a criminal I'm only making my life more livable Nothing will make me disappear I belong here just as much as you! This is who I am, nothing wrong with that If what I wear gives you a heart attack Then call an ambulance I'll turn my back That's just my stance I don't give a crap If it's a crime to be me, I'm a criminal I'm only making my life more livable Nothing will make me disappear I belong here just as much as you!
10.
Eradicated 04:44
There are skinheads in the government who wanna kill us cus' we're gender divergent Our existence is under threat danger surrounds us like a vignette One day a vigilante might grab his gun shoot me in the head drop me dead For being who I am they fail to understand identity is something that can't be banned Anyone who says it's a choice is just fucking wrong why would I choose to live in fear? Don't you know that it's dangerous here? dangerous for me and all of my peers Just because we where born this way shouldn't mean that we have to obey your bullshit laws that obfuscate your intentions to dominate The GOP's trynna' make it impossible for us to survive and live our lives Through legislative genocide they drive us to commit suicide By making life inhospitable with laws so vague they're applicable to any situation anyone, anytime Even you could be arrested for the crime of being queer in a public space this demographic they want to erase SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING BACKWARDS REPROBATE! Always looking for groups to persecute by spreading lies so easy to refute Their hateful schlock inspires some incel to fire his Glock and blast us to hell! For wearing clothes that they don't like while walking downtown late at night We're trapped living in a fascist nation it has been this way since it's creation That's why we have to keep on fighting the propaganda pushed by the right wing Half the motherfuckers pushing these laws are queer themselves but they keep it a secret! History doesn't repeat it just rhymes and this isn't the first time That's there been a moral panic here that minorities have been suppressed through fear Cus' it's rules for thee and not for me in this alleged democracy The land of the free this is not It's the land of bigotry and brainrot This is a genocide! This is a genocide! THIS IS A GENOCIDE!!!
11.
1,000 Days 07:16
Our love is something we don't regret Our love is something we won't forget all those cherished memories forever a part of our history All of them mean world to me Much like you my life buddy my first true love sent down from heaven above The world has changed since we've first met our hopes and dreams snubbed like a cigarette Where will we be in a thousand days? Where will be in a thousand more? our lives are going in different ways it's just a fact that we can't ignore I still love you forever and always and If you come back I'll open the door just another chapter written in the book of my life I still recount that fateful night so painful yet necessary the truth's a burden we're forced to carry and the truth is that the future's scary I watched this beautiful thing we had just die I watched it hurt you as much as it did I An empty void so hard to fill will I love again? Not sure I will Gone for good like a stranger on a train all in vain like tears in rain The world has changed since we've first met our hopes and dreams snubbed like a cigarette Where will we be in a thousand days? Where will be in a thousand more? our lives are going in different ways it's just a fact that we can't ignore I still love you forever and always and If you come back I'll open the door you made me feel like a part of this place, for a time no longer alien, your love made me feel human, for a time
12.
Paranoid 03:16
Finished with my lover cus' they couldn't help me with my mind people think I'm insane because I am frowning all the time All day long I think of things but nothing seems to satisfy Think I'll lose my mind if I don't find something to pacify Can you help me? Occupy my brain? OH YEAAHHHHHHH!!!!! I need someone to show me the things in life that I can't find I can't see the things that make true happiness I must be blind Make a joke and I will sigh and you will laugh and I will cry Happiness I cannot feel and love to me is so unreal And so as you hear these words I'm telling you now of my state I tell you to enjoy life I wish I could but it's just too late! IT'S TOO FUCKING LATE!!!
13.

about

I OFTEN FEEL SO OUT OF PLACE... LIKE AN ALIEN FROM OUTER SPACE...

At long last, my third studio album is out! 74 minutes of Electro-Industrial Metal/Techno/Hip-Hop/Ambient/Synth-Pop/Breakbeat insanity! It is not any one genre, it is Cancermancer music, that is what genre it is!

Here I open up about my struggles with drug addiction, mental illness, and my gender identity on top of providing scathing political commentary. Also includes a cover of Black Sabbath's 1970 classic "Paranoid"!

I have worked tirelessly since December of 2022 to make this album the best it can be, I hope you Fan-cermancers enjoy listening to this as much as I enjoyed making it!

One Ensoniq VFX died during the making of this album. By buying my music you get me one step closer to being able to repair my baby. I expect it to be expensive! Last time it broke it cost me over $400. Ouch!

credits

released September 9, 2023

All tracks composed by Callous Alice December 2022 to July 2023
All lyrics written by Callous Alice except Track 12, which is a Black Sabbath cover, lyrics by Geezer Butler
Mixed & Mastered by Cheshire Cat at Thought Criminal Records

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Cancermancer

♧ My name is Callous Alice ♧

American Electro-Industrial artist

I make hoe scaring music

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